Hardly to smile these days. Too unreal, till now I still cannot accept it. My heart aches after listen that and more ache when looking at my aunty uncle and my grandpa. What to do what to do. What to do. What should I do? Everyone is busy, too many procedures and regulations wanna follow. For this time, I hate weekends a lot.Everyone is damn busy, while I stay at home stay beside my sis and my grandpa. I am now the eldest at home, but I feel scared, I feel I am useless. Life is so unpredictable. I cannot stop asking why why why, and WHY! Too many family challenges after my mahmah gone. Talk about mahmah, I miss her a lot. Though its already four years, the feeling is still there, I can remember her smile and smell of the powder that she always put on herself. All the memories are still clearly on my mind.
I feel so tired. Only can wait for you to come back so maybe I can only accept the truth. I hope all these are dreams, slap me, I wanna awake from this nightmare. Slap me hardly.... My brain never stop functioning these days. Coincidentally, many buddies asking me out this week, I am really sorry that I can't make it. I don't wanna explain. I bet they must start to think more to negative sides. Ok, human nature, if me, maybe I will think so too? Too happening and saddening. Headache. I wanna stop writing this, I don't wanna let my grandpa aware of my sad face again.
Windy day. 2nd of Sept., 2012.